Monday, December 10, 2007

Light Fantasia

I have big ideas for lights... very big ideas. This compulsion to festoon my house with scores of lights is not totally my fault. I inherit this trait honestly from my maternal grandfather, whose yard each year before his death (may he rest in illuminated peace) became more and more distastefully decorated, and more and more resembling a the ill-begotten love child of Clark W. Grizzwald and Pee-Wee Herman.

Fortunately for my family, my neighbors, and my own self-esteem, my dreams are limited by my own physical abilities. My zeal for putting up holiday lights is checked by my threshold for work-effort and in some cases, danger. (Let it be known that my brother is like me in all ways, except he has no check on this trait!)

To give you a sense of what I'm talking about, I have created an example photograph. Thanks to the modern wonder of PhotoShop (or GIMP, as I prefer), I can safely decorate my house without ever setting foot on a forty-foot extension ladder balanced precariously on my sloped porch roof.

The beauty of PhotoShop is that I can simultaneously (a) not piss off my neighbors, (b) not kill myself on the ladder, and (c) pretend that fiction is in fact reality. (This is precisely what will happen, when in ten years, I will swear that the photos are real and how I remember fondly putting the lights up in the cold of winter.)

So, dream big! May I present to you, my holiday wonderland!


mom said...

Good job Scott! That is my way to decorate a house. You won't catch me outside in the frigid air decorating anything.

In fact it is so cold, that I have been neglecting the wild bird & animal feeders. I hope the bunnies do okay without my supplemental alfalfa bales & honey seed treats.

JamesF said...

Good to see the new job is keeping you so busy you can post mid day. :-)

Scott said...

Eh, James, mind yer own business!

(Or shall I point out that you have time to comment mid-day as well!)


Mike your brother said...

I do have to say, I am a little embarassed to call you my brother. In the true spirit of Grandpa Guier, not ony should you have your house outlined in lights, but you should also have merry christmas spelled out in your lawn, with santa on the roof.

Yes, I will gladly climb the 40 foot ladder to put the lights where they should be. It is christmas only once a year. (for me normally mid november to mid March)

I hope one day, you get the nads to do the same.

JamesF said...

Oh snap!

You've been served!

Scott said...

And to think, that dude is a preacher!

Hilary said...

Screw the environmental impact and current energy crisis. Are colored lights the best way to bring the "Christ" back to Christmas? You know there's a war on Christianity out there! You could put lights up in October, that's when the season really starts anyway. I commend you for photoshoping your lights, good idea you should go crazy with it every year! Now get back to work!

Scott said...

Ummm.... alrighty then.

Chuck said...

You know, I would have just said that it was a composite picture of my house. After all, how many people would find out? I mean, it's not like there's a freakishly big human head there or anything :)

Awesome idea, though. Have you thought about photoshopping for hire?

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