It's okay folks! No need to worry!
The good news: The camera is working again.
The bad news: I'm an idiot. Apparently, you have to remember to recharge the batteries.
In my defense, the camera display usually shows a low-battery indicator. This time, it didn't. I was taking a picture of Luke, and just where it makes the "click" sound (which is totally digital, just there for ergonomic reasons), and where it's supposed to show the preview of the picture you just took, it went totally black. I couldn't even close the lens.
I tried the other battery, and it didn't work either. So I was all prepped to call Pentax, and I figured, well, they're going to make me charge it up first, even though I know that won't do anything. Lucky for me, this time, it worked. The batteries were just dead.
So, I'm back in action.