Sunday, September 17, 2006

How to bagpipe a cat

Last week, I learned one of those immensely useful things that you only learn when you live in places like Starkville, Mississippi, or Ames, Iowa. This story is courtesy of Steve Foster, a former Navy chief, who tells this story of when he was back in the service:

Steve was in the Navy, and had a friend, let's call him Bud, who had grown up in Iowa. Steve asked him what he did for fun in Iowa.

"We spent a lot of time bagpiping cats," Bud replied.

"What the hell is that?"

As luck would have it, in the alley outside the bar they were at, was a cat. Walking over, and in one very practiced movement--the kind of movement that someone can only make after thousands of repititions--Bud reaches down and swipes the cat in his hands. In one instant, he is now holding the cat, with all four paws gathered in his left hand, the cat's head under his left armpit, and the cat's tail in his right hand.

"Watch," he tells Steve.

Bud takes the cat's tail and places it in his mouth and bites down on the tip of it. Immediately, the cat begins a loud "YEOWWWLLL!" He then squeezes the cat's head with his left arm, until he gets a pitch he wants, "YEooowWWWoooWWWooooWWWLLLLLlllll!"

Steve is laughing his ass off, and cannot believe he what he just witnessed. Bud lets go of the cat, which promptly takes off down the alley like a bullet.

"Now you know how to bagpipe a cat!"


Sandi said...

That is sick!!! How would Steve like it if someone picked him up, stuck his head in their arm pit, grabbed his legs & arms & bit on his "Tail"?

Scott said...

I know, you're right, Mom.

I normally don't condone such activities, but this story was so funny I felt like I had to capture it.

I did a search on the Internet for other instances of this, and it was interesting that only one other occurence of this appears (and it's a cached entry, which means the original has been deleted), and oddly enough, it's got a Navy tie in. I'm sure it must be the same guy.

Here it is.

Here's the quote:

Posted by Robert on Tue - Mar 14 - 5:01am:

In Reply to: Re: Hey Dex posted by Doc Peterman on Tue - Mar 14 - 4:43am:

Doc Peterman wrote,
: "A corpsman wearing a skirt, blowing on a
: screaming cat"?
: Is that a picture of Doc Gardner and his 'pipes,
: or one of us giving mouth-to-mouth resuscitation
: to a cat? Either way. Take your pick.

Hehehe, you've never heard/been shown how to 'bagpipe a cat'? Learned that from my ol' DBF'r LPO. It works best in person whilst holding an imaginary cat, but maybe I can describe it. OK, you need one cat. Take some shotline and tie his four little feet together. Hold the feet in your left hand, get his body up under your left arm (so his head is up behind your left shoulder blade), take his tail in your right hand, put the tip of his tail in your mouth. Bite down to get the appropriate tone, and simultaneously squeeze the cat with your left arm. Congratulations, you're 'bagpiping' a cat!
(I can only guess where Gumba would have you blowing on/in.....ick. :) )

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