How to bagpipe a cat

Last week, I learned one of those immensely useful things that you only learn when you live in places like Starkville, Mississippi, or Ames, Iowa. This story is courtesy of Steve Foster, a former Navy chief, who tells this story of when he was back in the service:

Steve was in the Navy, and had a friend, let's call him Bud, who had grown up in Iowa. Steve asked him what he did for fun in Iowa.

"We spent a lot of time bagpiping cats," Bud replied.

"What the hell is that?"

As luck would have it, in the alley outside the bar they were at, was a cat. Walking over, and in one very practiced movement--the kind of movement that someone can only make after thousands of repititions--Bud reaches down and swipes the cat in his hands. In one instant, he is now holding the cat, with all four paws gathered in his left hand, the cat's head under his left armpit, and the cat's tail in his right hand.

"Watch," he tells Steve.

Bud takes the cat's tail and places it in his mouth and bites down on the tip of it. Immediately, the cat begins a loud "YEOWWWLLL!" He then squeezes the cat's head with his left arm, until he gets a pitch he wants, "YEooowWWWoooWWWooooWWWLLLLLlllll!"

Steve is laughing his ass off, and cannot believe he what he just witnessed. Bud lets go of the cat, which promptly takes off down the alley like a bullet.

"Now you know how to bagpipe a cat!"